A recent conversation with a good friend led to an interesting discussion about friendship.

What does “being a friend” mean to you? What is the statute of limitations for the friend zone? Is it close to just friends? And how far away from “more- than- friends”, “true friends, and real friends”? 

 I still don’t know if we completely defined it as we pondered over a-friend-is-this-or-that statements. There are many descriptions out there. Including A friend loves at all times. (Proverbs 17:17) 

During this season of life reflection, lifestyle adjustments resets and reconnections, I am appreciating the people in life who are truly my friends.

From the old, new, unpolished, closer-than-family, outspoken, unconditional, repeats, challenging, difficult-but-loving, do-overs, ride or die, work-related, second and last chance, laugh till it hurts friends until we meet again friend, and here lately until death friend. 

That last one is the most difficult. It means losing a friend to the final chapter in this life. I have recently experienced this.

Making friends at any age is challenging these days, and after a certain age, we often miss opportunities or cancel people before we get to know who they are. We are on to the next friend request or suggestion.

Sometimes the odds are in our favor.

Every so often in this life, if you are blessed, someone unique enters. Most of the time you don’t know it because the only true test is time. Twenty-four years ago, my 20-year marriage ended, I was single, living in Texas, far away from my family in California, with unemployment benefits depleted, facing eviction, and asking what happened. The short answer is life.

While traveling the road back from the ashes, you get to learn who your friends are, what real support feels like, and who really means it when they say “Let me know if there is anything I can do”.

You also learn who you are, what you believe, and what you are made of. This was my first time living alone without my family. It was during this time of uncertainty, I decided to stay here in Texas.

It was a time of freedom, discovery, and a little frightening. As I settled into my new penthouse apartment, I was relieved because the only name on the lease was mine. I embraced my post-divorce community. I located a new bank, cleaners, deli, market, grocery, and a church.

After exactly 6 months of adjusting, working a full-time and a part-time job, I met someone who would become a lifelong friend and a part of my Texas journey.

He introduced himself in his Puerto Rican proud accent as Guillermo, but I just called him “Guil”. He called me Brynn. It’s been over a year now since he passed away. I miss him. He was a great friend, neighbor, Father, Grandfather, artist, black belt and champion bowler.

I recently reflected on how we were laughing the night before, and thanking God he survived another surgery just the week before. Literally, the next day, I received a text that he passed away. I am left with the memories we shared and the timeless response, “I just spoke with him last night”.

Ours was a special friendship because we met during a critical time in my life. I was living a super guarded life that did not include being open to meeting new people. Even though I was a member of a mega-church and a regular at most events, it was a very lonely, isolated time. Guil would invite me out since we shared a love of movies and Mexican food.

As we got to know each other, I realized something very important, I began to trust him. I felt safer knowing he lived in the next building.

He earned the honor of being my next-door neighbor.

For over 20 years, he gained a trustworthy friend who cared about him,respected and valued who he was. Guil, until we meet again, you are thought of with a smile today.

FC Hickombottom